Note to Self

Bridging the Gap with Honest Conversations
We all face pressure and have times when we feel overwhelmed. As parents and educators, we know that life can present challenges. As we work together to prepare your teen to navigate the road ahead, we introduce tools to build self-awareness and cultivate a sense of identity that can carry them through life’s ups and downs. Working to continually improve our positive school culture and we often welcome guest speakers to campus to inspire our students and staff. With a story and perspective that applies to all of us, whatever we are going through, we invited Kaleb Joseph on September 4th to spark an honest conversation with our students in peer-to-peer engagement.

Who is Kaleb Joseph? Kaleb is a former Division I basketball player who faced intense pressure and expectations that proved overwhelming and challenging. He struggled to cope with the highs and lows of his elite career. His experience exemplifies how we can all turn adversities into purpose by leaning into vulnerability and learning to identify, process, and manage challenges. He shares his insight and advocates for mental health and wellness through honest conversations on his Self Help Tour.

A Powerful Message
As the competition center began to fill for the school-wide assembly, Kaleb paced. Once introduced, he spoke quietly and captivated our large audience with his honest admission of nervousness. His words resonated with our students and staff, who were all ears as he shared, “There is nothing easy about standing up in a room full of people and being brutally honest about who you are. It is hard!”    

Speaking at a rapid-fire pace, we learned that Kaleb is one of ten siblings of a single mother suffering from depression. With much faith in his basketball ability, he eventually attended Cushing Academy and Syracuse University on basketball scholarships. Rather than being excited about the opportunity, basketball became a source of anxiety and stress. The pressure and expectations he placed on himself as the projected college basketball freshman of the year contributed to his decline in mental health. He felt shame after being named one of Sports Illustrated’s “Top 10 Most Disappointing Players” after his freshman season.

“That first season was a roller coaster of emotion and inconsistent play,” Kaleb said. “I did not know then that I must develop the tools necessary to identify, process, and manage my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I hid behind a mask of the basketball player.”

Kaleb wore a mask because he feared people would judge him if he were open and honest. He said, “I’m not here to convince you that mental health is real. We all know mental health is real. I want to have an honest conversation because everyone in this room has an internal conversation with themselves. You put on that mask and go to school. I know that there are people in this room who are struggling with anxiety, depression, and addiction. Statistically, it’s a fact.” “

When you’re young and insecure about who you are, you mold yourself into the person you think you need to be in order to feel valued. We all do it, ” said Kaleb.

Leaning into Vulnerability
After speaking about his past struggles, he asked the students to lean into vulnerability with this prompt, “Why do you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself behind a mask?” It took a moment, but a few hands slowly began to go up. Once a few students shared, it opened up the space for others to follow:

“If I’m honest about who I am, some people may bully me.”

“I’m afraid that no one will accept me as I am and judge me, and I won’t have real friends.”

“When you remove the mask, you’re exposed.”

Kaleb thanked each student who spoke and acknowledged that he understood their feelings as he, too, has felt the same when he’s thought about removing his mask. Being vulnerable is scary. It involves exposing yourself to emotional risk and uncertainty. Kaleb said, “You need to lean into vulnerability. Don’t hide from it. We 
get WAY too comfortable with hiding.”

In the effort to bridge the gap, Kaleb shared a similar message with our teaching staff later that day. The goal was to create a space where the adults, like the students, could have honest conversations, be vulnerable by sharing their experiences about working with their students, and support each other.

“Everything you want is on the other side of vulnerability,” said Kaleb. His powerful message reminds us to embrace our vulnerabilities, remove our mask, and share our “true” selves with others. It’s the first step towards growth and success.


Check out more student feedback from Kaleb’s visit:

“One person can bring a group of 1400 people together.”
 
“The energy was palpable.” 
 
“It’s easier to connect with somebody who can explain it and show it in such a way that we are loved.”
 
“I have never been in a room with my entire school and had so much honesty and openness. It was almost peaceful.”
 
“It kind of felt like a new level of connection with the school.” 
 
“It was an experience where I felt safe to share my emotions because no one would judge me.”
 
“It was amazing to see students clap for each other and be accepted by their peers.” 
 
“Allowing students to share their stories, that piece was everything.”
 
“He really wanted to hear their words, not just something that was scripted. It was genuine and from the heart.”
 
“The moment the first student shared, it opened up everyone else.” 
 
“I saw a lot of hands go up. I know a few people who raised their hands, and I was surprised by how open they were because I know them personally. I would have never thought.”
 
“Even some of the freshmen spoke. They are often seen and not heard. That they spoke up in front of seniors and juniors was a proud moment for us as a school.” 
 
“It was such a powerful presentation for both students and staff.”
 
“I think today’s assembly shows the entire school that we all are connected in one way or another; no matter how different we are, we are connected.”